more revision
After reading over my paper a few more times and focusing on what Dr. Sherwood commented on I realized I actually have to change and add a good bit of information. I want to come up with atleast 2 more solid sources that I can pull a good amount of information from. I want to add in a few more important statistics to show the reader a little more info on my certain topic. I know I need a little more support to go off of what I am saying. I also want to show the reader some more facts about my topic. By showing these facts and prooving that they exsist it will be easier to indentify the point I am trying to get across throug out my entire paper. I also want to switch around a paragraph or two to help the paper come together more then it already has.